Month: March 2018

Round 1 Preview: Get over it Richmond, move on

Richmond’s Nathan Broad didn’t have quite the same level of fun as his teammates, this off-season.

It is finally here, Round 1, marking the official end of the off-season, dominated by one team, guess who?

Yes, if you’re a fan of any of the other 17 teams, you’ve no doubt enjoyed the last six-months, a Tigers lovefest across all forms of media. Damien Hardwick recounting on a daily basis how he had to change his methods after the 2016 disaster. Dustin Martin suddenly becoming a marketable face of the league, and for some reason, Bonds underwear. Alex Rance again trying to drum up some publicity with a faux retirement. Jack Riewoldt’s wedding. Brendon Gale being Brendon Gale, etc. etc.

After the Bulldogs broke their premiership drought in 2016, I didn’t think the level of coverage on a single team could be topped, that the media could spend more time focusing on a single team, but alas they have. And I get that there will be a greater focus on the reigning premiers, it makes sense. You’re going to hear about the Tigers more than say, North Melbourne, who no one ever has any interest in, particularly this year. However, at some point, enough is enough, surely.

The entire 2018 season has been built on Richmond, from the marketing by the league, to the marketing by major TV networks, to which players are constantly being promoted. And I pray and hope, it all falls apart and quickly.

Richmond have eight marque games on either Thursday or Friday night, with the ANZAC Day eve game against Melbourne on a Tuesday night thrown in for good measure. Can you imagine if the Tigers put up a Bulldogs-like premiership defence? Wouldn’t it be glorious. A slow start, in-fighting, injuries, turmoil and the return of supporters threatening to microwave memberships and burning down Punt Road, the good old days.

Anyway, what else has been going on outside of Richmond? Well the AFL has botched Tasmania and how to handle sex scandals inside AFL House. Collingwood are still a dumpster fire. Jeff Kennett is back, that’s just what we need. And some Melbourne players didn’t want to go on a pre-season camp, which means according to some meatheads in the media, we should write off their entire season before it even begins.

I do enjoy the likes of Wayne Carey and Cam Mooney calling Melbourne players soft for going to the AFLPA to voice their concerns regarding training habits at the clubs. It’s not like that’s the reason the AFLPA exists and I mean they don’t even go around king hitting opponents off the ball, now that’s toughness.

So, the season begins tonight, which means it’s still prediction season. Some general thoughts for the 2018 season. Sydney’s midfield will return to being a powerhouse. I don’t like the Port Adelaide hype but it’s more deserved than the Essendon hype. Free agent and trade acquisitions seem to guarantee success in the eyes of some, the Bombers have major holes. The Dees will play finals and are the best chance at replicating the Dogs and Tigers of years before. For some reason, I’m bullish on Fremantle, I like what they’re building despite their deficiencies up forward. Gold Coast not having a home ground for half a season is an absolute travesty, although Stuart Dew seems like a competent coach. Geelong will do what they do every year under Chris Scott and fall short in the finals and North will be irrelevant, again.

Some major predictions;

Premiers – Sydney
Runners Up – Adelaide
Wooden Spoon – North Melbourne
Brownlow – Bryce Gibbs

Ladder

  1. Sydney
  2. GWS Giants
  3. Adelaide
  4. Richmond
  5. Melbourne
  6. Geelong
  7. Port Adelaide
  8. Hawthorn
  9. Collingwood
  10. Fremantle
  11. St. Kilda
  12. Essendon
  13. Western Bulldogs
  14. Gold Coast
  15. West Coast
  16. Brisbane
  17. Carlton
  18. North Melbourne

Season Wins Over/Under

Adelaide (15.5) – Over
Brisbane (6.5) – Under
Carlton (6.5) – Under
Collingwood (10.5) – Under
Essendon (12.5) – Under
Fremantle (9.5) – Over
Geelong (14.5) – Under
Gold Coast (5.5) – Over
GWS Giants (14.5) – Over
Hawthorn (10.5) – Over
Melbourne (12.5) – Over
North Melbourne (6.5) – Under
Port Adelaide (13.5) – Under
Richmond (13.5) – Over
St. Kilda (9.5) – Over
Sydney (15.5) – Over
West Coast (10.5) – Under
Western Bulldogs (11.5) – Under

And now, onwards to Round 1;

Richmond (-30.5) vs Carlton

The Tigers coronation in front of 80,000 insufferable Richmond supporters with 10,000 Carlton supporters asking themselves why they bothered to turn up and be surrounded by these people. Despite all the optimism around Brendon Bolton and this improving Carlton list, they only won six-games in 2017 and went 1-9 from Round 14, giving Bolton a 2-18 record between Rounds 14 and 23 across his first two-seasons. They’ve also lost two of their best five players from last year with Gibbs at Adelaide and Sam Docherty being lost for the season with an ACL tear. Hopefully the Blues will stick with Richmond for a half or longer, but a six to seven goal loss is on the cards.

Adelaide (-2.5) vs Essendon

It’s probably no different to any other season, but there seems to be a lot of injuries on the eve of the year. Adelaide haven’t escaped the injury bug with captain Taylor Walker being ruled out of their opener and Brad Crouch looking at almost two months on the sidelines with groin soreness. The Bombers lost Marty Gleeson in the JLT series with a serious ankle injury and small forward Orazio Fantasia will miss several games. These odds are much closer than they should be and the Crows will cruise.

Brisbane (+24.5) vs St. Kilda

The Saints are a strange case, in the words of Damo Barrett, “where are they at?” St. Kilda are stuck in no man’s land, sort of good enough to sneak into the finals, but won’t do any damage. As all clubs seem to love doing, the Saints went and re-signed Alan Richardson despite him not having achieved a thing. Even with this extension, the heat will be on if they’re sitting at home in September once again. They have an easy start against the Lions, who are still a year away from being competitive.

Fremantle (+26.5) vs Port Adelaide

The pre-season buzz team finally gets to roll out their star studded new recruits. Rockliff, Watts, Motlop, Thomas, McKenzie, the assembling of a new dream team at Alberton Oval. If I was making a premiership push off the back of a free agency/trade spending spree, I wouldn’t have picked the two flakiest players in the game. Jack Watts hasn’t played at a consistent level at any point across his entire career and Motlop’s best football was four-years ago. I say bring back Aaron Young, a victim of the modern game where kicking goals as a forward is seen as a negative.

Hawthorn (-1.5) vs Collingwood

Another year begins with Nathan Buckley in charge of a team with no key position talent, injuries and little chance of doing anything. It’s going to fun putting up with another year of a media circus at the Westpac Centre when Collingwood start 2-6 for about the 5th year in a row and journalists are calling for Buckley’s head. At least Cyril Rioli is supposedly going to be back for this game, yay everyone celebrate, Cywil is back!

Gold Coast (Push) vs North Melbourne

It’s hard to find a game so irrelevant in Round 1, but here we go. Fitting that the game is being played in Cairns.

GWS Giants (-17.5) vs Western Bulldogs

There’s been a lot of buzz around the Giants with many believing they’re a legit premiership chance. I do like the Giants and they’ll be up there again, but what exactly have they done to get better? The Giants were a long way off last season, despite their preliminary final finish. In the final month of their season, including Round 23, they lost to the other three preliminary finalists by an average of 39-points and none of those losses were particularly competitive. They did face their fair share of injury issues last year and a fit Stephen Coniglio is a big plus, but their improvement rests on the next group of youngsters from the more recent drafts and how quickly will they get better, if at all?

Melbourne (Push) vs Geelong

I have no idea who will win this game and being a pessimistic supporter, I assume the Cats will be jumped by a hungry side who are surely desperate for finals. Geelong has an injury list the length of your arm and even with Gary Ablett seemingly making his return, Paddy Dangerfield won’t play. He won’t even be there biggest loss for the Round 1, Lachie Henderson’s injury is disastrous for Geelong. They had two legendary defenders retire and have done nothing to replace them. Good luck relying on Harry Taylor as your number one key defender.

Sydney (-17.5) vs West Coast

Short of Geelong’s dominance at GMHBA Stadium, no team had a greater advantage at home than the Eagles at Subiaco. That’s now gone, with the dimensions of their new stadium being closer to Etihad Stadium. They will still no doubt have their ridiculous advantage from umpires each home game, but they’ll be facing a similar challenge to visiting teams, becoming accustomed to the new ground. They don’t get an easy opening against the Swans who will be locked in from Round 1 after the calamity in 2017. An away win first up.

Season Record

0/0 (N/A)

One last note, the over hit on every game in Round 1 last year. The first round generally sees a lot of high scoring, just something to remember.

Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Gold Coast Suns

For most supporters, March is the last time we can truly feel hopeful about our football team. Despite this sense of pre-season opportunism, more than likely your team will suck and quickly crush your spirt and soul like they do every year. This a guide on what to expect from your team in 2018. (Full credit to Drew Magary and Deadspin for this idea. Click here to view his guide for all 32 NFL teams.)

Your team: Are they really anyone’s team? Have you ever met an actual Gold Coast Suns fan?

Your 2017:

 

The most poorly devised expansion team in Australian sport since the Gold Coast Titans in the NRL, or the Gold Coast Blaze in the NBL, or Gold Coast United in the A-League (you get the idea), continued their downward spiral into complete irrelevance with another pitiful season. After a Round 12 win over Hawthorn, their second over the Hawks (winning), the Suns actually looked half competent, sitting at 5 wins 6 losses, a game and percentage behind Port Adelaide who were fifth. They went onto win one more game for the season. Overall their 2017 was marred by embarrassing losses, an embarrassing drama with their star player and a coach getting fired.

Yes, Rodney Eade, the highly decorated coach who took Sydney to a Grand Final and the Bulldogs to three-straight preliminary finals was sacked with three-games to go, following a 23-point loss to Fremantle. Caretaker Dean Solomon took over for three games and must have enjoyed his stint in the main chair at Metricon Stadium, with his side suffering 58, 33 and 115-point losses to round out another 6-win season.

Eade waded through three truly awful seasons, winning just 16 of his 63 games. He has since been appointed coach of Balwyn Tigers in the Eastern Football League and I bet he’s looking forward to coaching a professional organisation for a change.

Going back to that embarrassing drama with their star player, oh boy, what a performance by Gary Ablett. The prodigal son and the only person who had been keeping the Suns on the footy map, at all, since their inception into the league, played out a magical year, not so much on the field, only off it. Ablett’s season included weekly questioning over whether he’d again seek a trade back to Geelong, having made his intentions quite clear that he was ready to flee the fledging club in the 2016 trade period. He also suffered a myriad of phantom injuries, which limited him to just 14 games, playing primarily when he could be bothered or when he was in the mood. And the high point of the fiasco came prior to their final game in Round 23, where he showed off a burst of speed not seen from the little master since the 2009 Grand Final run which led to Paul Chapman’s winning goal, as he escaped reporters outside Metricon Stadium, it was truly an outstanding display.

And yet, Ablett still won the club’s best and fairest, the most ludicrous club champion since Brisbane had a four-way tie in 2015.

Outside of the bald one, rumours about star forward Tom Lynch returning to Victoria began to flare up and will only intensify this year. Adam Saad followed Ablett back to Victoria in the trade period and via delistings the Sun farewelled Daniel Currie, who surely breaks the record for least games-per-season in a career (10 games in 11 seasons) and Jarrad Grant. So long, microphone head.

What’s new that sucks: Farewell Rocket, hello nemesis, Stuart Dew. I hope you fail and fail miserably. I hope you fail so horribly it will go down in history alongside the likes of Scott Watters and Mark Neeld. Curse you and your round figure forever. Okay I haven’t gotten over 2008 and I never will, but seriously, is there a less enviable position to start your head coaching career? A club with clear, systematic cultural issues, a list constantly having to be replenished due to key players wanting to leave Queensland, a disastrous situation off field and almost no sign of a quick turnaround. It’s going to be a long, arduous task. At least he knows what it’s like to be part of a coaching staff at a club facing hardship. It’s not like his only coaching experience has been in the cushy surroundings of Sydney, making finals every single year.

To make life easier for the first-time coach, the Suns won’t even have a home ground until Round 11. This story has gone under the radar, an AFL club won’t have a home ground to play at until mid-season. Thanks to an archaic sporting event which shouldn’t even exist anymore, Gold Coast face a murderer’s row of games across Australia and around the world. In the first 10 rounds before their bye, the Suns play “home” games in Cairns, at the Gabba and in China and more bizarrely, a home game in Perth against Fremantle. In a league obsessed with equalisation and removing imperfections from the fixture, it’s great that the Dockers get to play an away game at Optus Stadium. This is actually the first of back-to-back games in Perth for Gold Coast, a perfect opportunity for any WA based players to meet with their future club for the 2019 season.

In typical AFL fashion, this appears to be a hastily put together contingency plan and will almost certainly crush Gold Coast’s season before it even begins. Can you imagine if this happened to Sydney, or the Adelaide teams? It would be a crisis, but because it’s Gold Coast, no one cares. Surely there’s an alternative venue nearby the Sun could play four, five home games at. Good luck getting off to a quick start, Stu.

On-field, the Sun at least get to unveil another high-priced recruit taken with their second pick in the draft last year. Wait a minute, they traded that pick away. Well then surely, they get a bona fide star to step straight in and replace Ablett? No, they got Lachie Weller. Yes, the most egregious deal in last year’s free agency period saw the Suns trade away pick two for the 47-game midfielder, with a career average of 17-disposals-per-game and who only has kicked 17-goals in his career. This was truly stunning, a last-minute deal which came within the flurry of action on the final day of the trade period. When the story broke that Weller had requested a trade home and that the Dockers were demanding Gold Coast’s first pick, most would have laughed. It’s one of those spoon-fed quotes to drum up a headline. A club throws out a fake request and the two teams work out a fair deal behind the scenes, say a second-round pick. If the Suns weren’t a train wreck, here’s how the conversation could have gone;

Gold Coast: Lachie wants to come home, we want him.

Fremantle: Fair enough, we want pick 2

Gold Coast: Hahaha, of course.

Fremantle: I know right, can you imagine us asking for pick 2? How about a second-rounder?

Gold Coast: Deal.

Instead Fremantle asked for pick two and Gold Coast simply said yes. Maybe they were so stunned a player actually wanted to head to the Gold Coast, they forgot they could still negotiate.

What has always sucked: So far, the Gold Coast experiment has been a complete failure for the AFL. Not a single trip to the finals, a history of off-field disaster stories, cultural problems rife throughout the club, trouble at board level, hideous list building and a complete inability to make revenue without AFL assistance. With each season that passes, the idea in 2011 of sticking 40+ 18-21-year old’s together on the Gold Coast with wads of cash and spare time seems more and more insane. This is the true task facing Dew, it’s not just fixing on-field problems and constructing a gameplan which will lead to improvement. He has to overhaul the entire culture of the club. Guy McKenna seemingly let it flourish, Eade then failed to fix it, can their next coach?

The Suns are a sieve for the AFL, losing money hand-over-foot every year. Aside from a glimmer of hope in 2014 where they won 10 games, Gold Coast has been a complete laughing stock and they face another massive challenge to keep their next star player.

Clubs have already revealed they plan to meet with Lynch during the season and every Victorian club, particularly those with cap space will throw insane dollars at the key tall. What’s the incentive for Lynch to stay? Aside from the wildcard of a “ambassadorial” salary from the AFL if he stays, he can earn millions playing in his home state at a club which can play finals and contend for premierships. They held on to one captain in 2017, Steven May, but trade talks around Lynch will drag on all season and frankly you couldn’t blame him for leaving.

They also have a hideous looking jumper. It’s just red with their ugly logo plastered in the middle and some yellow down the sides.

Did you know? The Suns have never beaten Adelaide or Sydney and don’t have an overall winning record against any team.

Past Gold Coast Suns players:

  • Sam Iles
  • Kyal Horsley
  • Daniel Gorringe
  • Rex Liddy
  • Piers Flanagan

What might not suck: They helped crush Hawthorn by sending them Jaeger O’Meara, whose cardboard knees no longer function properly. Thank you, Gold Coast.

Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Brisbane Lions

For most supporters, March is the last time we can truly feel hopeful about our football team. Despite this sense of pre-season optimism, more than likely your team will suck and quickly crush your spirt and soul, like they do every year. This a guide on what to expect from your team in 2018. (Full credit to Drew Magary and Deadspin for this idea. Click here to view his guide for all 32 NFL teams.)

Your team:

The Trey Smith of the AFL. (Will Smith’s first-born son, he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page to link to).

Your 2017: The Lions finally broke through and won something, a wooden spoon! One of the most amazing achievements from Brisbane’s recent run of complete hopelessness was their inability to ever suck bad enough to finish last and at least earn themselves the number one pick. Thanks to another pathetic four-win season, the Lions dropped that one spot to finish 18th and earn themselves the wooden spoon, the second in their post-Fitzroy history.

After squeaking out a first up win in the highly anticipated Q Clash, Brisbane went on a nine-game losing streak, reaching their Round 11 bye in 18th position. They promptly stayed there for the rest of the season. Despite some hairy moments where both Carlton and North Melbourne were looming to steal that wooden spoon, Brisbane completed the triumph with a 51-point loss at home to the Roos in the final round.

They continued their recent traditions of being both completely awful at home, going 3-8 and being hideously weak defensively. In a league where one team (Adelaide) averaged over 100-points-per-game in the home and away season, the Lions conceded an average of 114-points-per-game. The most amazing part of that stat was that they actually improved on their 2016 performance by 16-points-per-game. Yes, in a league of rolling mauls, flooding, impotent attacks and hideously assembled forward lines, Brisbane has averaged over 122-points-against-per-game over the last two seasons!

Off field they had to put up with the on-going saga of their “talented” young forward Josh Schache wanting to go home to Victoria. After taking time off during the season and heading home, he re-signed and then still requested a trade. I’m sure the Lions were desperate to hold onto the former number-two pick who has averaged less than a goal-a-game in his 27-game career. But alas it’s a tough life for a 20-year, earning hundreds of thousands of dollars, living in eternal sunshine, out of the footy limelight and he fled to the Bulldogs in exchange for a second-round pick. To put that in perspective, the last tall forward taken in the top two picks of the draft to flee back to Victoria, Tom Boyd, netted GWS the sixth-pick in the draft and a former club captain in Ryan Griffen.

What’s new that sucks: He’s arrived!!! The captain’s captain, the footballer’s footballer, the drunk drivers’ drunk driver, you’ve picked up the one, the only, the unstoppable object, the greatest good bloke to ever grace an AFL field, Luke “Hodgey” Hodge! Recruiting coups don’t get any more exciting than that, a washed-up, over-the-hill, 33-year old who has pretty much nothing to play for aside from earning a footballer’s salary for one more year. The most exciting part of his season will be picking the round he first completely goes apeshit and gets himself suspended. And don’t go thinking he’s still exempt from the wrath of AFL tribunal, he’s not covered in brown and gold anymore. Although it is Hodgey, so you might still be okay.

Outside of the great one, number one draft pick Cam Rayner has arrived, after already publicly having to quell doubts about wanting to play with the Lions long-term, that’s always a great sign. He has since signed an extension to his original two-year deal, presumably he signed his future three-year contract to Richmond on the same day. As Schache proved, contract extensions don’t really mean much in Brisbane, so Rayner could easily flee his way back to Victoria within a year or two.

The Lions also traded for Charlie Cameron, who remarkably actually wanted go back home to Brisbane. By 2018, this is the only way the Lions can attract genuine talent from other clubs, Cameron joins Dayne Beams and Tom Bell as the only recruits who picked Brisbane specifically, the rest (Josh Walker, Mitch Robinson, Ryan Bastinac, Allen Christensen) just had nowhere else to go, for one reason or another. Luckily Cameron will arrive in a similar situation to his former club where he had the midfield support to utilise his skillset of being a pacey, outside midfielder who can burst forward of centre and kick goals… oh wait.

What has always sucked: About this team? From 2004, pretty much everything. Since their Grand Final four-peat was derailed by Port Adelaide, the Lions have made the finals once, once! That’s as pathetic as Melbourne, in fact it’s worse, Melbourne have played finals twice in that span. And yet no one is even aware of that fact, I had to look it up.

Brisbane truly are the most irrelevant team in the competition. Playing in the AFL graveyard that is Queensland, Kevin McCallister got more love from his family on Christmas Eve than the Lions do from the AFL. They still can’t even get a proper training facility built, even North Melbourne achieved that feat. They’re consistently last in memberships, their crowds are terrible and they have a revolving door of executives with stories of in-fighting being an annual occurrence.

These are facts and figures, but to appreciate the extent of the hopelessness, you really need to go watch a game at the Gabba. Firstly, you get off the plane in Brisbane and wander the streets of the truly lifeless concrete jungle that is Brisbane and I challenge you to find even a hint that the Lions exist. A banner, a sign, an ad, a child wearing a damn Brisbane hat, anything. On game day, you travel out to what, after the demolition of Subiaco, must be the most rundown stadium in the league where you will be met with 75% empty seats and a true sense that football doesn’t belong here. There’s no excitement, no joy, fans trudge in just to give them something to do. Away fans are always louder than the home support, it’s the closest thing Australia has to a Los Angeles Chargers home game. It’s a real A-League atmosphere. A few thousand die-hards mixed in with a bunch of theatregoers who treat going to the football like visiting a museum or playing golf, just something to pass the time.

And maybe that’s why no one wants to play up there, because I can’t figure it out. Queensland has an almost perfect climate pretty much all year round, you’re completely away from the AFL bubble of Victoria, I assume no one would even recognise you walking around the streets of Brisbane or around the suburbs just outside the capital and you can escape the non-stop news cycle whenever you feel like it.

The list of players Brisbane has lost to other clubs in recent years rivals anyone, even Carlton. Sam Docherty and Elliot Yeo have turned into genuine superstars, there’s Jack Redden and Jared Polec and now Tom Rockliff. The majority leaving because they don’t want to play in Queensland, I don’t understand it, but I bet Hugh McCluggage is a year or two away from packing his bags and joining the exodus. It must be hard playing for a team which hasn’t finished above 15th since 2013.

This year there seems to be a sense of genuine optimism that the Lions will actually improve. They have a list full of first-rounders, thanks to stockpiling picks from players fleeing the Sunshine State and a coach who seemingly knows what he’s doing. Although the last time there was this sense of optimism was in 2015 and Brisbane went on to win four-games, so who knows?

Did you know? The Lions haven’t made a single profit off-field since 2007.

Past Brisbane Lions players:

  • Leigh Ryswyk
  • Bradd Dalziell
  • Aaron Shattock
  • Lane Spaanderman
  • Damien Cupido

What might not suck: Eric Hipwood is a beast and is going to be so much better than Schache. Lions fans probably already know that the Bulldogs did them a favour. I’m also rooting for Chris Fagan after hearing a glorious story involving him and Alastair Clarkson after Hawthorn were eliminated by the Bulldogs in 2016 semi-final.

The white noise around the Browns

Wide receiver Jarvis Landry arrives in Cleveland from Miami in exchange for two draft picks.

The idea of hope must be dangerous for Cleveland Browns fans. They haven’t had much to be hopeful for, really since they restarted as a franchise in 1999.

They would also have a fear of hype around the team. Last year’s draft saw them trade back to collect three first round picks which they used on Myles Garrett, Jabrill Peppers and David Njoku.

The haul was met with almost universal praise and the addition of quarterback Deshone Kizer on day two saw their draft class as a foundation for improvement in 2017.

Of course, the group of rookies proved only to be the foundation for more losing as the Browns outdid their 1-15 2016 campaign, completing the first winless season since the Detroit Lions in 2008 leading to another top pick in this upcoming draft.

Despite the positive draft grades and general sense of optimism coming out of Philadelphia from Browns camp, the post-draft hot takes didn’t bear fruit on the field, at all.

So, hype around Cleveland with this current administration, which somehow largely remained intact after their winless season, is toxic and that’s scary as the Browns moved to the centre of the NFL universe on the weekend, completing a slew of trades which lit up social media.

Cleveland completed a series of trades with all arrivals and departures summarised in the tweet below;

 

They added a competent and solid quarterback in Tyrod Taylor, a consistent and productive receiver in Jarvis Landry and a young, talented cornerback (who will play safety) Damarious Randall. All this for a few picks and the above mentioned Kizer, who was shuttled off to Green Bay after one season.

In a vacuum these are decent trades. I like Taylor, he’s a good option as a bridge QB for one year, the length remaining on his contract. Landry’s catching stats are impressive, without being a real deep threat and Randall has 10-interceptions across his three-year career. Three starters for a bunch of draft picks and a quarterback who was never going to start again.

Even the change in direction of improving via trades can be commended. The Browns have cap space and draft picks to burn, so go get better. It beats overspending for mediocre starters in free agency.

However, these trades are the dawn of anything, they don’t mark a change in the Browns’ fortunes, they’re not hurtling in the right direction. They just made a bunch of trades, that’s it.

On cue, the immediate reaction crowd announced Cleveland’s moves as the start of the new generation. General manager John Dorsey the cowboy, throwing his chips around, not afraid to take risks.

Trades are great, but any revolution in Cleveland begins on draft night, where they have two opportunities inside the top four picks to land the quarterback of their dreams. After plenty of misses, this year they must hit. This will be the seminal moment of 2018 for the Browns, not a bunch of trades before free agency opens.

For all the love and hype the Browns have received after recent draft hauls, all they’ve really accomplished is whiffing on grabbing their next franchise quarterback. Trading out of the draft spots used on Carson Wentz and Deshaun Watson.

A real new dawn will come from wins on the field and the star college quarterback the Browns pick, hopefully for fans sake at number one, will be the cornerstone of that.

Even this pick will only be the beginning, Cleveland has an achingly long road ahead of rebuilding and future trades will no doubt be a major part of this.

Instant reaction is how the world works in 2018, but save your proclamations of a return to glory at the Dawg Pound for much, much later down the road, hot takes now, mean nothing.

2018 Oscars Musings: A few laughs and a jet ski, but mostly meh

A jet ski was the literal prize offered up for the shortest acceptance speech.

The curtain set on another Oscars night, this the 90th Academy Awards and seeing as it was following last year’s debacle which featured the most insane ending to an awards show, maybe ever, it was going to be hard to match the level of craziness this year.

And overall, the night never really reached great heights. Under the hanging gloom of what has transpired in Hollywood over the past six-months, it was going to be a tricky occasion for host Jimmy Kimmel, who didn’t really have the freedom he did last year.

It was however a great crop of nominated movies and a great group of Best Directors and performances across the four-key actor/actress categories. Despite this, the major categories all contained strong favourites and the only real mystery was coming from Best Picture.

It was an Oscars which will be remembered no doubt, but nothing overly memorable will last the test of time.

The favourites won as expected

Gary Oldman was a lock for Best Actor and duly delivered. Allison Janney was heavy favourite for Best Supporting Actress and didn’t disappoint. Sam Rockwell was always going to take home Best Supporting Actor and Frances McDormand was a certainty for Best Actress. Put simply, the favourites came through. There weren’t any major surprises across the board, really in any category. The closest thing to a major upset was Icarus winning Best Documentary, however its reputation had been growing, particularly with Russia’s systematic doping being in the news around the Winter Olympics. The Shape of Water emerged as a front runner for Best Picture early on and even though Three Billboards was the recognised favourite and there was plenty of late buzz around Get Out, Guillermo Del Toro’s fish monster love story taking the major prize wasn’t a major shock.

Kimmel’s an ideal Oscars host

Returning for his second Oscars, Jimmy Kimmel was a good as always. His opening monologue was strong and his bits throughout the night worked. Overall the comedy was a little stale, but it usually is at the Oscars, but Kimmel’s self-depreciation is a welcome change in an environment where everyone takes themselves very, very seriously. The major skit involving commoners won’t be remembered like last year’s tour bus guests. It was literally just celebrities interrupting a bunch of people’s trip to the movies. However, Gal Gadot constantly reminding us how much more fun she was having there than at the Oscars and Armie Hammer firing what looked like a potentially lethal hot dog cannon saved it from completely falling flat.

The #MeToo movement didn’t dominate, and that’s a good thing

It was always going to be the elephant in the room and thankfully it wasn’t overdone. Kimmel touched on Weinstein, while three of his most prominent accusers, Ashley Judd, Salma Hayek and Annabella Sciorra introducing a montage which featured the likes of Lee Daniels, Ava DuVernay, Kumail Nanjiani and Greta Gerwig discussing the changing culture of Hollywood. Emma Stone had a strange moment where she labelled the Best Director nominees, “four men and Greta Gerwig”, which was unnecessary and it all built to McDormand’s speech which led to all the female nominees standing. It was prominent without being totally overbearing.

Not enough love for Dunkirk

My personal pick for Best Picture was upstaged as expected in the main award and director Christopher Nolan missed out again for Best Director. It did sweep the two awards for sound, Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing, while also picking up a third gong for Best Film Editing. The award Dunkirk should definitely have won was Best Original Score. Zimmer’s incredible musical accompaniment to almost every scene is such a major part of the movie and definitely served a bigger impact than Alexandre Desplat’s winning score in The Shape of Water.

No love at all for Lady Bird

Of the seven films nominated for five or more awards, only Lady Bird failed to bring home any statues. Gerwig missed out in her two categories and lead Saoirse Ronan always faced a mammoth task overcoming McDormand for Best Actress. Laurie Metcalf should have won Best Supporting Actress, but alas Lady Bird came up empty. I did see a tweet labelling it the best movie to have not won an Oscar, an interesting debate to be had.

Props to Jordan Peele

Get Out winning Best Picture would have been the real talking point that would have carried this Oscars further into the future. We’ll never know where Peele’s horror masterpiece ended up in voting but he did snag the Best Original Screenplay award and rightfully so. It was a stacked category, but you do feel that Get Out will be the movie most remembered from this year’s class, so Peele being recognised with an Oscar win was exciting.

Kobe Bryant won an Oscar

It’s always funny to see those takes of “BLANK has an Oscar while the likes of Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt have none.” Add Bryant to that list as his animated short, Dear Basketball earned the long-time Laker another statue for his mantle piece. It may be a little odd considering the short returned mixed reviews from critics and also Bryant’s own personal history, in this, the year of #MeToo.

Kane Cornes: The league’s biggest hot take artist

Kane Cornes had a short-lived career in the fire brigade after his retirement from the AFL.

Close your eyes for a moment and picture yourself in this scenario. You’ve entered your 15th season in the league. Approaching 300 games, you can feel the end is near.

Midway through what you know will be your final season, you decide you want to join the fire brigade. Because you are part of one of South Australia’s most famous sporting families and you’re a premiership player and 4x best-and-fairest winner at your club, you skip the admission process and get straight in, you’re now a fiery.

But you soon realise being a fireman isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You love footy and need to be back in the system and because you’re an ex-player, you pass all the requirements to join the footy media. Now the challenge to become relevant in the bloated sea of ex-players, turned “experts” begins.

Kane Cornes is the most fascinating retired player to walk into the media, maybe ever. A hot take specialist who attempts to be as controversial as possible which has somehow forged him his own section within the football media.

For a quick example, just look back to Monday after the first week of the JLT Series. Melbourne’s 53-point victory over North Melbourne was definitely impressive. A good spread of goalkickers, they looked organised defensively and the midfield proved much stronger than their Roo opponents. However, it’s only the pre-season and the game doesn’t really mean anything.

So, someone coming out and say, suggesting Melbourne will make the Grand Final immediately after a pre-season win would just be offering up fairly predictable clickbait. Kane, please indulge us.

That is how Cornes has operated since he retired in 2015 and that makes him either the least self-aware person in the media (beside Mark Robinson) or, the smartest operator in the football media.

There are a lot of personalities a player can take on when entering the media. It is something a lot of players want to do, and why not, there’s no experience, or skills, or ability required, it guarantees you a decent pay check, and it is easy work.

The biggest challenge is staying relevant, as each year another group of footy legends realise there’s no point leaving the system, even once they hang up the boots.

The easiest persona is the soft, “good bloke” routine. Call that the Cameron Ling. Be really nice to everyone you interact with, never criticise anyone and basically never even have an opinion. This is easy, people like you, you’ll never offend anyone and never risk losing your prime position.

A harder identity is the one Cornes has chosen to take on. Be as controversial as possible, speak exclusively in hot takes and make it your prime objective to create headlines. And, amazingly he’s beaten the system. In the world of clickbait and media companies desperate for clicks and readers, hot takes are golden.

Here’s a brief list of corners Cornes has stood on as he’s ascended to be king of the controversial opinion. Accusing Patrick Dangerfield of exaggerating injuries. Labelled Alex Rance a diver. Said Hawthorn’s O’Meara trade will be one of the worst of all time. And called for player salaries to be made public. Those are all in the past 12 months.

He doesn’t even limit himself to his former sport. Going down the easy “female tennis players shouldn’t be paid as much as men” path and what has become the most effective way to drive clicks via riling up a readership, soccer will never be as popular as AFL in Australia.

That’s what Cornes does, throws out grenades and watches them explode in the comment section. It’s perfect, for him and whoever he works for. Hence why he’s on radio in Adelaide on 5AA, and safely entrenched in Craig Hutchinson’s Croc Media stable which has netted him a spot on the Sunday Footy Show and inexplicably, a three-hour radio spot on SEN, broadcasting out of Adelaide.

Cornes probably doesn’t even believe half of what he says, he just says it for effect, he’s a genius. Or he does believe everything says and is an idiot, in any case his unique brand of controversy is perfect for 2018.

For your average football supporter, they’ve quickly grown to despise Kane Cornes and everything he stands for, and that’s the point, that is the power of the hot take.